You've Got to Exercise Those Implanted Thighs!
by Aquaflame68
Summary: Sparked by Amber Sweet's rude comment, Luigi and Pavi now believe they are fat. And what do two wealthy Largos do when they need to lose the pounds? Well bulimia maybe...but I don't think that lasted too long. It's gym time everybody!
1. The Beginning

It was freezing outside GeneCo. A heavy sleet was falling and only the most insane druggies dared to wander outside. Many were at home, huddled in their blankets, desperate for warmth. Not the Largos though.

No, the Largo siblings were nice and toasty in their special heated pool.

Amber lounged in the hot tub, her eyes glazed over in a drugged stupor. Her skimpy bikini revealed the two scars that ran along her neck bone like a faded necklace.

Luigi, clad in boxer-style swim shorts, was attempting to beat a rubber duck to death with a giant foam noodle.

It proved more difficult than anticipated, however. The waves in the pool carried the rubber duck away from the homicidal Italian, sparking his hot temper. Luigi would attempt to lunge at it, but the waves he created pushed to duck out of harm's way. He swam after it, unaware of the problem he was creating. The mad chase had been going on for about an hour.

"Cannonball-a!" a heavily accented voice called.

Pavi made a wet entrance into the pool. The enormous splash soaked the nearby, giggling genterns.

A huge wave from the cannonball knocked the rubber duck out of its Luigi-made orbit. Luigi seized the chance to smash its little plastic brains in, and with a dying wheeze it sank to the bottom of the pool where it joined the many others in a rubber duck graveyard.

"Your fat's fucking useful!" Luigi called.

Pavi surfaced with a flamboyant pose.

"The Pavi is-a never fat! You were always the fat-a one brother!"

"I'm not fat you fucking fag!"

"You only wish-a you were as-a beautiful as-a the Pavi."

"In your fucking dreams fat ass!"

"SHUT UP!" roared Amber. "You're both fat! So fucking shut up you tards!"

Pavi and Luigi were stunned into silence for a moment, but only for a moment. Assuming a hurt air, Pavi flounced back to his room. The door slammed in the genterns' faces, much to their disappointment.

He flailed across the room, throwing himself down on his large pink bed.

"The Pavi is-a never fat…" he muttered huffily.

He flipped over so that he faced the large ceiling. His whole ceiling was a mirror, along with the walls covered in pictures of himself.

He stared dejectedly at it, only pausing for a gleeful moment to stare at his face…or, whoever's face he was wearing today.

The moment didn't last as his gaze travelled down the rest of his body.

He poked his stomach, pouting like a child.

"Maybe I am-a getting a little chubby…" he mumbled.

He blamed Luigi and all that stupid pizza…or at least Luigi said it was pizza. Whatever he had done to make himself less…well, 'beautiful', he was going to undo it!


	2. Plan A

Pavi's behavior wasn't any stranger than usual, so Luigi and Amber never suspected his plan.

After downing a plate of Luigi's special pizza (which Luigi himself never ate), he stood up quickly and gestured spectacularly down the hall to the bathroom.

"I have-a to go to the bathroom!"

"Then go you dumb fuck!"

Pavi, too busy with his plan to retort, skipped to the large ceramic bathroom, the tiles a pristine white. He dropped to his knees in front of the toilet and um well…to put it delicately he began to puke his guts out.

Back at the dining room, and awkward silence had ensued.

"…"

"…"

"BLARGH."

They both just blinked and sat there as the sound of Pavi puking echoed down the halls to where they were sitting.

"…"

"…"

"BLARGH."

Amber pushed her plate away in disgust, and turned her head away from the source of the noise.

"Why do I have such a dumb fuck for a brother?"

The sounds of barfing continued.

"…"

"…"

"My-a face!" Pavi's cry echoed.

"…"

"…"

"It-a fell in the toilet! Someone-a help!"

"…"

"…"

"Aw, it's-a all gross and soggy-a now!"

"…"

"…"

"And it-a turned green!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP."

And Pavi never tried to be bulimic again. He had to find another way to shed the pounds…and he was struck with one more idea.

The Gym.


	3. Pavi's Epic Failure

Pavi stood at the door to the gym, dressed in an outfit he hadn't worn in a very long time. After digging around in his closet, he had unearthed his pink sweatband and leotard, along with the matching leg warmers.

He had convinced a reluctant Luigi to come along, after exchanging a few insults and a few dead gophers. He himself was dressed in a baggy green jumpsuit that just seemed to scream 'dork', as Pavi had pointed out before. That was how the third gopher had died.

They gazed at the machines, a mixture of wonder and horror at the impressive weights.

With a tacit agreement, they both hopped onto the elliptical machines. Luigi began to jog, his eyebrows scrunched together in pure concentration.

Unsure of how to use the machine, Pavi followed suite, attempting to copy his expression as well. They jogged for a few minutes, Pavi glancing over once in a while to make sure he was doing the exercise correctly.

Luigi caught him looking after 5 minutes, and his competitive spirit decided it was being challenged. Luigi did the only thing that came natural to him: he sped up.

Pavi increased his speed as well.

_If-a brother is-a doing that, then this-a must be what you-a do on it._

And so it went: Luigi went faster. Pavi went faster. Luigi went faster, Pavi followed. It continued until the two were in an all out sprint. Sweat poured off both of them, and the pink sweatband slid down in front of Pavi's eyes. Smoke began to billow out of their machines; they were not meant to be used like that. The fire alarm was set off almost instantly, and the sprinklers in the gym went off, soaking everything in it…including Luigi and Pavi.

Pavi, unable to see and very slippery, slipped on the machine, and was propelled backward into the wall with a small yelp.

Luigi turned confused, slowing down.

"…What the FUCK are you doing now you fag?!"

Pavi only moaned in reply.

"…fucking pansy."

Luigi turned back around and began to run once more, the alarm still whining and the water still coming down in buckets.

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR

Anyone else notice there is an incredible amount of water in this? I just realized this now… ah well.

Lol. There's a reason why I kept deleting this chapter. I uploaded another chapter from one of my different fanfics, and it kept doing it so I had to reupload it. Sorry for the email spamming!


	4. Keep Away From Fake Faces

Music blared from the stereo in the corner of the gym. Luigi lay in the middle of the floor, on top of the large blue exercise mats. He had never been very athletic, so it was natural that his curl ups were, by definition, epic fail.

"Three…four…" he grunted, counting out loud. Sweat poured off him in buckets, making him smell like a dirty gym sock.

The doors swung open and Pavi made his entrance, a gauze bandage wound around his head from his earlier injury.

"Brother! I have-a returned!" he cried gleefully, skipping over to where Luigi was doing curl-ups.

"One million three thousand one hundred sixty three…one millions three thousand one hundred sixty four…"

"Oh brother! You are-a so good at-a this!"

Luigi sat up, panting heavily from his amazing six curl ups. He basked in the glow of Pavi's admiration.

"Yeah? Well I'm the fucking best after all."

Pavi resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"Of course-a brother. Whatever you- say."

Pavi glanced around the room, bored, and his gaze was caught by a blue and white jump rope hanging up in the corner of the room.

"Oh! Its-a pretty!"

He skipped over, unhooking it from the wall, fingering it curiously.

"Brother, what is-a this?" he waved it over where Luigi was trying to regain his wind.

He stood angrily, snatching the jump rope from Pavi.

'It's a jump rope you dumb fuck."

He began to turn the jump rope, getting into the rhythm of it. He gave a proud smile in Pavi's direction. That's when those baggy sweat pants of his fell to his ankles, revealing the heart boxers Pavi had gotten him for Christmas. Tangled in his pants, the rope wrapped around him like a serpent, and he fell to the ground with a thud.

Pavi burst into a fit of giggles.

"Shut the fuck up!" Luigi roared, struggling against the rope's hold.

With a desperate lunge, he broke free. He snatched up the jump rope, shaking it as he did.

"Fucking jump rope!"

A stray end lashed out as it was shaken, striking Pavi across the face. It hooked onto his newest face, yanking it around as Luigi tried to strangle the jump rope.

"No brother! My-a face!" he cried desperately,

Completely attached to the end of the jump rope, Pavi was flung around wildly, crying out in pain. Whenever he could, he would try to give it slack by chasing after it.

"Brother! Stop-a! You're-a hurting the Pavi!"

Luigi ignored him, or didn't even hear him, continuing to flail the jump rope around.

"Fucking jump rope! I'll show you!"

NOTE

Tee hee. Jump rope fun. Next time, I think we'll lift some weights. D. Oh, and I truly worship the Pavi. All this Pavi bashing has a reason ok? In all the Pavi bashing, Luigi receives the killing blow XD so you can look forward to that in all this poor Pavi pain.


	5. For the Fangirls

A week went by of exercising. Various mishaps and shenanigans had caused Pavi to go through extreme pain, and he now hobbled into the gym on crutches for the moment of truth. His brother, on the other hand, was completely healthy.

Pavi's body was like one big bandage, with tufts of black hair sticking out of gaps in his head bandage. His chest was unharmed, along with his right leg. He wasn't a total mess, but it was still a miracle he could walk without the help of the genterns.

The two brothers stood side by side, staring at the scale. Pavi nudged Luigi with his free arm.

"You-a go first-a brother."

Luigi glared at him, and shoved him onto the scale, not willing to go up to face the scale so soon. Maybe he's lose some more pounds by bending his finger! He started bending it rapidly.

"You go first fag."

Pavi glanced behind him, seeing him doing the finger exercise. A sly smile spread across his face,

"Are you-a waving at me-a brother?"

"Fuck no!" He roared with a glare, immediately ceasing the exercise.

"Are you-a sure?"

"Get on the fucking scale before I break your other leg!"

Not willing to allow his brother the chance to follow up on the threat, he drew nearer to the scale. He began the struggle to take off his clothes.

"…what the fuck are you doing?" Luigi asked in disbelief.

Pavi turned back to him innocently.

"Well-a, clothes weigh a lot, so if-a you take-a them off, it shows-a you your-a real weight!"

Skeptical though Luigi was, he wanted to try anything to beat Pavi in the getting rid of pounds. With a shrug, he began to strip.

Soon, their clothes were in a pile in the corner of the room and they stood stark naked in front of the scale. Pavi glanced over at his brother, his gaze travelling down his body.

"What the fuck are you looking at fag?"

Pavi smirked.

"It's-a small brother. No wonder everyone prefers-a the Pavi."

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET ON THE FUCKING SCALE."

With a giggle, Pavi hobbled onto the scale, and stood still, scarcely daring to breath. The beep of the scale told him the wait was over and he glanced down nervously.

With a sigh, he hopped off the scale.

"I lost-a only ten-a pounds."

Luigi raised his eyebrows. Ten pounds? He had barely exercised! That had to mean he had won! He had exercised even more than Pavi, so it was common sense he would lose more weight!

With a feeling of victory, he leaped onto the scale, and stood there, naked and proud. The scale beeped, and Luigi looked down.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Pavi hobbled over once more, and took a peek at his weight. He started giggling hysterically.

"You-a gained twenty-a pounds brother!"

Luigi turned slowly, his fists clenched.

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

With a girly shriek, Pavi raced out of the gym, Luigi following close behind. They raced down the halls, Luigi screaming threats.

Amber Sweet yawned as she opened the door out of her room to head over to get some more Z from Graverobber. She was greeted by the sight of her two naked idiot brothers running down the hall. She blinked once, twice, then stepped back into her room and shut the door. It was another one of those days.

As they raced down the halls, Luigi tripped on the carpet, going flying right into Pavi. In a daze, he realized he was on top of Pavi…and not in the normal fall over way. It was…a very uncomfortable position. Pavi realized what had just happened almost instantly, and began to sing.

"Luigi is-a fucking me! Luigi is-a fucking me! Luigi is-a-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" he roared, leaping up from the awkward position. He glanced down at Pavi, noticing something strange.

"Oh fuck Pavi! You have a fucking boner you fag!"

Pavi giggled and shrugged, standing up as well.

"It's-a not my fault that it-a felt good."

Instantly silenced by the awkward remark, Luigi stood there blinking.

"…I'm going to get my clothes you fag."

He stalked off angrily to his room, slamming the door shut as he did.

Pavi giggled after him.

"You know you-a liked it-a brother!"

NOTE

I hate Pavigi. It's a fact of life. I just thought it would be funny. THAT'S FREAKING ALL. it hurt my soul deeply to write that. But, now that means I never have to write it again!! BWAHAHA


	6. No One Likes A Bulemic END

Pavi and Amber were at the dinner table. Amber was eating her favorite dish: soup. She liked dying it blue…for obvious reasons. Pavi ate a salad, still concerned about his wait.

_I don't-a want to become-a a fatty like-a my fratello._

The infamous sound echoed down the hallway.

"BLARGH."

"…"

"…"

"BLARGH."

"…"

"…"

"HOLY SHIT. IT'S FUCKING GREEN!"

"…"

"…"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! YOU GUYS HAVE TO FUCKING COME SEE THIS!"

"…"

"…"

"BRING A CAMERA!"

"LUIGI, SHUT-A THE FUCK-A UP."

NOTE

Thanks so much for sticking with me through this brother bashing farce! The barfing motif is labored, I realize. But still, I just couldn't resist. Anyway, please do not attempt the stunts Luigi and Pavi performed at home (unless you video tape it and send it to me. I would love you for that one.). They are professionals and can easily replace their organs. You, however, live in Neanderthal times where you can't just randomly get new organs. So…DON'T DO IT!! Bye bye!

~Aqua


End file.
